The last time I saw Orlaith McAllister, the Big Brother contestant, her bottom was peering out from the pages of this very newspaper. Orlaith was leaving a club and had given the photographer a flash of her behind, clad in an enormous pair of granny knickers. I admit to two unkind thoughts - the first being that I had always imagined her to be a thong kind of girl and the second was that it looked like she had some cellulite on her legs. (Miaow, says you!)Celebrity is the newest drug for youth. Having your picture in the papers or, much better, appearing on television is, supposedly, the easiest way to earn a fortune. On some shows, the hopefuls are auditioned for careers as pop stars. Most could not carry a note if it came wrapped up in Christmas paper. Occasionally, very, very, occasionally, one succeeds - witness the Maiden City's own Nadine Coyle. For people with no talent whatsoever, Big Brother beckons. More often than not, it is a harmless enough way for a young person to spend his/her time; the televisual equivalent of having a holiday with badly-behaved people videotaped.
The fact that it may be undignified is forgiven because you have been undignified on television. Orlaith's star (such as it was) has waned badly since BB. The easy route of looking attractive but not actually being able to do anything has turned out not to be so easy after all. People are jaded by wannabes who they know are neverwillbes.
Perhaps Orlaith should look for a change of direction - and take inspiration from two local talents not given to taken their clothes off or flashing knickers.
I am talking of none other than Denis Taylor and Gloria Hunniford whose efforts to master ballroom dancing on BBC1's Strictly Come Dancing have become must-watch television.
We have been infamous for bombs but we are now becoming famous (I think!) for the boogie; thanks in no small measure to Denis and Gloria.
Yes, there are better dancers on the show than the pair of them but no one, absolutely no one, has half the charm of the boy from Coalisland.
Of course, Denis is no Gene Kelly. He moves with all the balletic grace of a bag of spuds but he has a personality that would charm the devil himself and a natural wit that leaves Brucie's leaden attempts at humour in the h'penny place.
Gloria, meanwhile, would remind you of one those aunts you see at a wedding, happily dancing away the wee hours and making everyone watching her happy too.
Will Gloria strangle nasty judges Craig and Arlene?
Will Denis end up in a heap on the floor while his partner stabs him with her stiletto heels? Or will they wow the judges, score a perfect round and turn-up on Hearts and Minds to tell Noel Thompson that what we need here is to quickstep to devolution rather than waltzing around the issues?
Both Denis and Gloria are giving Orlaith a lesson in how to have a profile.
The show raises money for charity and a laugh for audiences. They are not afraid of seeming foolish because it is for a good cause and no one really takes it too seriously - and I bet it is a great way to beat the cellulite.
Go, Gloria, go! Dance, Denis, dance!
Another true story about the north's immigrants. A taxi-driver in a mid-Ulster town picks up a fare. The town has its fair share of people from eastern Europe working in local abattoirs. The fare is a Ukranian and he is leaving his house. He puts his belongings into the taxi and asks to be brought to his new accommodation in another street. The new house is not as nice as the one he is leaving.
The taxi-driver is concerned. He is from the town and his son is married to a Polish woman. "Your new house isn't as nice as your last one?" ventures the taxi-driver, fearful that the Ukranian has been the victim of racial abuse. "I had to leave the other street," says the Ukranian, "there were too many Poles living there."